Here we go again…

Do you ever get sick and tired of doing the same shit over and over again? Me too. I am just getting so annoyed at myself at re-gaining the weight that I lost so much of. When I started this blog (which I’ve been super inconsistent with – how ironic), I had lost 4 stone already – I was so happy, but then in the space of three years, I’ve put on all of that and more. Needless to say, I’m pissed off with myself… again. However, if there is one thing that I have learnt from the last three years, it’s that slimming world doesn’t teach you about your emotional connection to food and it also doesn’t teach you about the good fats that you NEED and that you really shouldn’t label food as ‘syns’ to demonise them. Now, I’m not saying that slimming world doesn’t work – I know it does, it worked for me for goodness sake, BUT it doesn’t educate you about food enough for it to not be such a huge thing to constantly be mindful of. For example, I remember being on slimming world and thinking “shit, can’t have this because it’s not free” and I’d be saying these things for like avocado… is avocado bad? NO! In fact, on slimming world avocado is like 14 syns – what the fuck?! Anyway, this blog post isn’t to pin blame on slimming world for my fuck-ups, it’s about starting again… again. Please tell me I am not along here? Please tell me that I am not the only person who loses weight and then somehow puts it all back on, it’s like I lost the weight and then said to myself “yes, I’ve lost it now, of course I can eat that WHOLE PIZZA TO MYSELF!” – kidding myself really, but actually back then, that was my geuine thought process.

So, what now? How am I going to lose weight now? Well for two weeks I’ve been counting calories. I found I out how many calories I would need to eat to maintain my current weight (I’m not a maths genius, I most definitely used online calorie calculators), I started eating that amount of suggested calories – 2325 calories – a day, for about five days. I then reduced my calorie intake to 1800 – which is what I need to lose weight. Note, that I could “lose weight fast” by reducing my calorie intake even further, to 1395 – however, THIS IS NOT SUSTAINABLE FOR ME – I would get hungry and give up easily. So I’ve gone with the safest, most realistic calorie intake. I don’t count macros – I’m not gonna lie, I don’t want to get bogged down in counting carbs and fat etc. I really don’t want to demonise foods – I clearly have a big enough issue with food at the moment, I don’t want to scare myself into overeating out of misery already! So this is what I’m doing to start my weightloss journey again. Calorie counting. And I’ve got to say, it’s going well. I don’t know if I’ve lost weight yet doing this as I’m going to weigh myself once a month at the end of each month. SO this year I’ll be doing 12 weigh-ins in total. This is a journey that really needs to turn into a lifestyle and weighing obsessively every day or every week is not healthy – not for me anyway.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, where am I currently at? Well I currently weigh:

18 stone 3lbs (255lbs/115.6kg) and here is my body at the moment – granted, I’m posing – it’s showing just how fucking annoyed I am at having gained all this weight again haha. Now, lots of body positive people will be saying “why are you worried about losing weight? Love your body as it is” – and while I agree with that sentiment, I just don’t feel comfortable being this size knowing I can’t bounce on the trampoline with my son because of my weight. I can’t sit here content when my son cries at me because he’s worried I’m going to die before he’s 12 years old. So, I guess I’m trying to find a balance of learning to love my body, but also lose weight and get fit and healthy.

I’m starting out and have no idea what to do!

Eek!

So you’ve made your New Years Resolution and it’s (as cliche as it sounds) to lose weight, be healthier, get fitter, be toned etc… Everyone (pretty much) makes that at least one of their New Years Resolutions in the many years they may have on earth. Now that you’ve said you’re going to lose weight you need to actually learn how to do it. Many people buy in to fad diets – it’s cool, i’ve been there too – and they don’t actually do their research; what are “good fats”, what are “bad fats”, what food does what? Well here is a little post about a couple of things you need to know about nutrition before embarking on your journey.

First things first, what does fat do?

Fats have a number of jobs that they do, the first important role they play is that they give you energy – i know right?! Many people don’t actually realise that fats are there to give you energy, if you don’t use that up then it stores itself as fat on your body. The second job is that it helps regulate your body temperature, which is obviously super important when working out! Fats also have other biological impacts like being involved in producing essential hormones and keeping your hair, skin and nails healthy! Very cool right?! So as much as people HATE fats, fats actually help your body in many different ways (there are more but i don’t want to bore you with things you may not need to know as much of at this stage! But definitely look in to it!)

Number two, what are the different types of fats?

Have you ever looked at the packet of a food product to see how may grams of fat it has, how many calories, sugar etc..? Well now you can look at the back of that product knowing what kinds of fats you’re looking for and which ones are the ones to look out for!

So you have three types of fats; saturated, monounsaturated and polyunsaturated that are good for us and one that we should steer clear from!

Saturated fats are found in foods such as animal fats, cheese, coconut oil, eggs and butter. They help to keep good cholesterol levels up in the blood and therefore helps the heart. Many people associate saturated fats with being bad, but they’re only bad when you consume too much of them – a good even amount will do wonders 🙂

Monounsaturated fats are found different types of oil, such as peanut, sesame and extra virgin olive oil, as well as being in avocados and nuts. These fats are also good for increasing good levels of cholesterol. By snacking on foods such as nuts with these fats in, your blood levels are more likely to be stabilised and therefore have longer amounts of energy.

Polyunsaturated fats are found in other types of oil; sunflower, flaxseed and walnut oil as well as being present in oily fish! I’m a girl who likes her salmon so this is definitely a bonus for me! These kinds of fats help to protect your body by reducing risks of injuries and chronic disease, this i because they act as an anti-inflammatory.

Hydrogenated fats are the ones we need to be aware of and try and stay clear of! They are unnatural fats that are used in food products to increase shelf-life, yes that means they are found in low fat products! Trans fats are proven to carry a serious amount of risk with them as they increase blood level cholesterol (bad ones) and can cause heart disease. These kinds of fats (hydrogenated and trans) can be found in biscuits, pastries, cakes, meat pies etc…

What about carbs?

Carbohydrates’ main role is to also provide the body with energy when doing intense exercises (they’re also healthy and awesome for brain function! Who knew?!) So just like with fats, you can have real carbs and fake carbs. Real carbs are found in wholesome real foods (foods that are not processed like fruits, grains, vegetables and milk products) and fake carbs are found in, well processed foods – fewer refined products like white rice and white bread!

“good” carbohydrates generally have a lower glycemic loads, which means that you will get lower amounts of sugars released at a more consistent rate – instead of peaking throughout the day when you process bad carbs.

Having a low carb diet may aid in your metabolism speeding it up!

It is generally said that your main diet should be high protein low carbs…

Which leads us on to our next one; what is protein?

So where can protein be found? Sources of protein are found in foods such as; eggs, milk, yogurt, fish and seafood, soya, pistachio nuts, pork, chicken and turkey and beans and pulses. Protein is an essential part of out diet day to day as it helps a number of functions within our body. It is responsible for building tissues, cells and muscles (repair and growth) as well as making hormones and antibodies. It also helps to regulate our metabolism, produce hormones and strengthen our immune system. The important point to remember out of this list (for working out purposes) is that it helps to repair and grow muscles – hence having a high protein diet!

In terms of nutrition for losing weight we all know that we need to eat healthy, wholesome foods, that much is for certain. What i have written is a general guide to help you understand what kinds of foods you need to be focussing on and how they are important (biologically) for our bodies. My carb to protein ratio changes all the time, because well for my body, my personal needs my food intake needs to be adjusted regularly, number one; because my metabolism gets too happy where it’s at and i need to change it up a bit and because second, well mentally, i’d get bored! if you get bored you’re more likely to give up on this whole healthy eating thaaang!

I hope this article has helped you and hasn’t been too boring! Peace out 🙂

 

I Can’t Handle It

Ladies out there have you ever tried to lose weight and then lost absolutely loads, felt awesome, then gone back to eating – not shit – but you’re less strict on yourself? That then means you put on weight without even meaning to or realising you are, then the next minute you feel like you’re back to square one? Well that is me! That is me right now! I lost so much weight – 4 stone to be precise – and now i have put back on 2 and a half stone!! 2 and a half stone!! Obviously i have all the usual feelings that go along with putting on that amount after having such a triumph; i feel shit, i’m looking at all these fad diets out there where you have like 2 shakes a day and one meal etc… but know they only get you so far, plus I’m weak willed and always gives in to food when it says i shouldn’t haha.

Basically what i’m trying to say is that i’m back at square one. It’s 2017 now and although it’s super cliche to say, i feel like having a new year psychologically enables me to have a fresh start with myself also. I’ve gotten myself to the point where i look in the mirror and HATE what i see and when i say that i don’t mean everybody look at me, feel sorry for me, i mean i feel like what i make myself out to be on instagram, Facebook etc. is a lie, it’s false advertisement. i am not as slim as i make out on my social media outlets, but i once was – and that is what is so frustrating, that i can’t handle it. I know how to lose weight, i know what to do when i go in to the gym but i don’t look like the type of person that does. I’ve got my level 2 gym instructor qualification (yes i know it’s only level 2) but i know about nutrition, i know about exercises, weights to use etc. but i just don’t express that through the physicality of my body. i look fat. i look unkept and disgusting – hence feeling like i give out false advertisement and that i just “can’t handle it”.

I guess the whole point of this blog post is that we all rise and we all fall… especially those who people look to for motivation – i’m not saying i’m some sort of amazing inspiration that everybody follows, but i think i represent a normal life. I’m a girl who has a job that pays shitly, (but i love my job!), a 3 year old son who is a full time occupation and i’m desperately trying to lose weight and feel finally secure with myself.

Hopefully this year it will go to plan!

Oh dear… It’s night time

So we’re at that time again, that time that comes around everyday towards the PM – night time, evening, bed time or in my case loner time. Not like loner as in I have no friends, just the time of the evening where the kids are in bed (one in my case) and you just collapse on to the sofa willing yourself to get up and do something – anything! But you are completely and utterly unmotivated to do anything. Anything. Apart from food. That’s the only thing you look forward to getting up and doing, and actually even that is a chore, but it’s a lesser one than doing those squats and burpees you keep saying you’ll do at the end of each day.

When did I become so lazy?! I think it’s safe to assume that I am in love with food, everyone tell y, boyfriend not to come home tonight unless he’s a big, giant walking chocolate donut – I’m craving!

Well whoever is reading this just know that you’re not alone with your secret eating! Everyone does it, they just don’t admit to it 😉

 

Fuck. That. Shit.

Apologies for the title, but do you ever think that?

Are things going slow but you’re working your arse off and believe that you’re not seeing much change?? Me too! I’m getting to a point where I can’t be bothered anymore – I know. I can’t believe I’m saying it to be honest, but I need to be open and just say it. I’m very ashamed of myself as my weight has been fluctuating a lot recently – like going from stone to stone differences. It actually hurts. I thought I was fat last year when actually I had lost a further 2 stone (on top of the 4 that I had already lost) and still at that moment in time I thought I was really big. However, it turns out that now, this point in time, I’m really big. So now I’m feeling defeatist and feeling like I can’t be arsed and quite frankly “fuck that shit – I’m done!”.

The statement “fuck that shit” doesn’t actually have to have the negative connotations that I’ve blatantly associated it with. I know that I need to say that phrase about my weight and image; about that fatty overhanging apron I have!! And just sort it out!!

Listen if you’ve felt like that, like me now – the negative ‘FTS’ then just know (which you probably know already, but hey go, I’m gonna say it) that it doesn’t have to mean you pack it in. It means that you’ve got a certain feeling, emotion about current circumstances and the thing YOU need to do is channel that feeling in to a path. You can either be a defeatist or a fighter, it’s up to you which path you choose.

I know what I’m gonna do. I’m a fighter.

(Just needed a little moan ;))

Example; Weightloss Programme

Good Morning! (or afternoon/evening depending on when you’re reading this!)

So this is  an example of my weightloss regime; week 1 of my 8 week healthy eating plan…

This isn’t a “diet” where you just have shakes and smoothies for 8 weeks then go back to how you were eating, its a transformation from an unhealthy fat filled diet to a healthy sensible food plan for the rest of your life. You can’t just delve in to the unknown and go for whatever makes you lose weight the quickest – trust me i’ve been there and it doesn’t work. Sure you lose a tonne of weight in a short amount of time, but you’ll just end up back at square one still dumb on what it is you actually NEED to do to change your life around and be the person you want to be. Educate your self!

Here is week 1:

Monday

It’s a Monday which means it’s even harder to wake up, let alone actually getting out of bed! However if i’m honest this is probably THE day where you need to be up lively and ready to be organised to start your day in order to have a good week. Psychologically Monday is always considered; a new start, the  first day of work (for some/most people) and if you don’t start this day right then it’s harder to get your week off to the right start!

Breakfast:

We need to rid you of your weekend toxins! That’s right i said it! I know that you’ve either been out on the town, indulging in our good friends Ben and Jerry, super busy that you’ve been picking unhealthy food and thinking, it’s alright i haven’t really eaten anything today so having these crisps or biscuit etc will definitely NOT matter – WRONG it totally does! So we now need to top our bodies off with the “right stuff”. This will give you an awesome boost!

35 grams of porridge oats – mixed with water NOT milk (even if it’s skimmed) – topped with strawberries, raspberries, flax seeds (look them up they really are super healthy!) and blueberries! This is filling and will give you energy throughout the morning and help just give your body a boost – one that i can imagine it definitely needs!

Snack:

ORANGE! More fruit! No way?!

I’m sorry but yes, it’s more fruit. Fruit is amazing for you, it gives you the nutrients you need to help boost your immune system and on top of that it is a “speedy” food. It helps build up your metabolism – pretty much, there’s more scientific reasoning behind it, but to be honest i just want to get everything down! If you have questions feel free to write them down!

Lunch:

Chicken breast x2 and cherry tomatoes (as many as you want!)  with ALOT of garlic and pepper seasoning! I love my seasoning and it is absolutely FAT FREE! You may think that this is boring as anything, but this is going to give you a great dose of protein (that isn’t powder!) and that means more clean slow releasing energy. (Clean meaning untainted with crappy additives!)

Tea/Dinner:

For tea tonight we have a grilled steak (it can be fried, but if it is, cook it in fry light!), x2 new potatoes with 1 boiled egg and as much salad as you want! I know salads are boring and bland but if you need some flavour, use which every herbs or spices you have gathering dust in your cupboard and mix it with 0% fat yogurt then pour generously over your salad 🙂

Tuesday:

Breakfast:

Tomatoes on toast – random and weird i know but just go with it!

Lunch:

FRUIT! It is a lovely fruit salad for lunch today and to make you feel better you may have as much as you want and whatever fruit you like. If you have banana not have too many – like 4 or 5, you don’t want to over do it on fibre. Although banana is obviously healthy because it’s a fruit it’s not a speedy food because of its sugar content as well, so too much of it will do the opposite of what you want it to do!

Tea/Dinner:

Fresh fish and a lovely salad! I know you’re probably thinking that you’ve had a lot of salad in just 2 days but we are trying to get some of that goodness in your body that you’ve been missing for a while!

Wednesday and Thursday:

So for these two next days you’ll be repeating Monday and Tuesday, lets give your body the ultimate top up! I hope you don’t find it too boring but the first week is about learning what you like and getting over that initial; “for fuck sake all i want to do it eat pizza and cake!”

Friday:

Smoked salmon (up to 5 slices) drizzled with lemon, boiled egg x2 and a grapefruit. Grape fruit is a hard one to get yourself to eat. It’s extremely sour, but if you know how to eat it etc. it can be a lot nicer! Sweetner will be your best friend (just sprinkle it all over it after cutting it in half) then place it in the oven for 2 minutes, take it out and put 0% fat yogurt mixed with more sweetner and put a massive dollop of it on the open half! LUSH!

Saturday:

No it does not mean that it’s a treaty cheat day because it’s the weekend! You need to have a full clean week before you can start having your cheat meal! So for breakfast today it is strawberries (chopped), raspberries (chopped/mashed) with 0%fat yogurt, a table spoon of honey and mix it all together then spread on 2 slices of wholemeal toast! As bizarre as it might sound, it’s soooooo nice! A brilliant alternative to jam!

Lunch:

2 poached eggs on a bed of spinach and any other salad you fancy! Have as much as you want! Apologies if you still find this boring, but it gets better, remember its the first week. We’re training your body to thrive off of beautiful, do good, healthy nutrients and vitamins 🙂

Tea/Dinner:

Lamb chops with runner beans, carrots and tomatoes – with this, i tend to pan fry the lamb chops (with fry light), boil the runner beans and carrots but then put them in the oven along with the tomatoes, season well and bobs your uncle!!

Sunday:

Oh my word it’s sunday already, fuck me! Congratulations if you managed to get through the week without indulging in any other shitty foods! And if you did have a slip up, it’s fine, but what i tend to do is repeat the week if i had a bit of fail – well not a fail, lets not call it a fail, a bit of a hiccup!

Now that it’s Sunday you may choose what you have for each meal and snackage! HOWEVER, choose from the following foods, what it is that you will have. It’s all about taking control but there can always be too much too soon, so Sundays will be a “lets see how it goes and what i fancy when i fancy it kind of day” – but obviously still sticking with these foods!

• Fruit – any!
• Chicken – no fat though
• Salad
• Tomatoes
• Peppers
• Onions
• Turkey mince – 2% fat or less (Tesco do it!)
• Tinned tomatoes
• x2 eggs (boiled or fried!)
• x2 wholemeal bits of bread/toast
• Grilled steak
• Carrots
• Runner beans
• Broccoli
• SEASONING!

I HOPE YOU’VE HAD AN AWESOME WEEK!! Remember if you had a MASSIVE hiccup, and by hiccup i mean have a takeaway, loads of chocolate etc. then put it to the side and start again with your healthy eating!

New Year, New Me… Erm No Actually!

It is that time of year again ladies and gentlemen! Get ready to buy into fad diets through our empty “promises” to ourselves! Well no actually. I’m here to tell you that you are not going to wipe away the 2015 you that you built and just magically create a new you! You are going to build on that fabulous person you always have been!

How can we just disregard the journey that we’ve been through for an entire year… For the past 2 years?! I’ve been on my journey since September 2013 and I am no where near who I want to be in terms of physicality, but just because it’s a new year doesn’t mean I am going to say “right fuck off old me!”, it means I am going to build upon the foundations I have already put in place.

So when the 1st January comes to us this Friday don’t think about the new resolutions you are all going to make, think of how you can build upon what’s already there. Don’t tear down the awesome person you’ve been creating your entire life, get MORE motivated, get MORE organised with working out, plan MORE about what you’re going to eat over the next week.

Say to yourself:

‘I am me, I am irreplaceable and I am worth building upon! Not getting rid of…’

 

Merry christmas and a Happy New Year guys!

Love Yourself Mondays!

So guys i have done a… YOUTUBE VIDEO!

I did this a couple of months ago when i was reflecting on my journey of self loving. I’ve never called it that before… losing weight and referring it to ‘self loving’, it’s got more of a positive and motivating tone to the phrase. Anyway… before i go absolutely IN on this topic heres the video… Please take a look!

I show my skin in this video to show the effects of weightloss and hopefully people will be able to relate!

I’m Sorry What..?

When we join a gym we look at what we’re going to get included in our membership price… we weigh up the options, look at the classes etc and then we get pretty excited about our first session and just going in there doing it. Kicking some ass! Now i’ve been going to this particular gym for almost a year, i’ve made friends (more like acquaintances – but lovely people), i’ve met some pretty stuck up people (they’re everywhere) and i know the staff now, so i feel like i’m starting to be comfortable with this gym. Now considering i pay £40 a month for my membership i don’t expect to get told off for something completely unjustified – i feel. I don’t know if this happens at your gym, but when i joined i got a little card that i hand in to reception every time i arrive so that can swipe me in. Recently i forgot this card. I had left it in my other gym bag and just forgot it – I’M A MUM, IM UNORGANISED OF COURSE I’M GOING TO FORGET THINGS IN LIFE! When i went to reception i told them i had forgotten and instead of it being no big deal at all, they felt it necessary to patronise and tell me off for this slight mistake. I PAY YOU £40! YOU DO NOT TELL ME OFF, IT’S HARD ENOUGH COMING TO THE BLOODY GYM – GETTING THE MOTIVATION TO GET UP AND PHYSICALLY GO TO THE GYM, GO PROPER IN ON MY WORKOUT WHEN THERE ARE MANY SKINNY, FIT, HOT GIRLS AND GUYS AROUND ME IS HARD ENOUGH!!! DO NOT TALK TO ME LIKE SHIT WHEN YOU ARE JUST A RECEPTIONIST AND I PAY YOUR SALARY!! I AM CUSTOMER DOUCHEBAG AND ITS NOT A BIG DEAL!!

I do apologise for that rather massive rant, but when you’re overweight, the confidence to even go to the gym and really workout and not care what you look like is hard enough, without them making you feel like a school child getting told off by a teacher. I mean when i go on the treadmill i’m constantly aware of not only how i look BUT how i sound as well! I pant – i mean i know everyone pants when they run, but i really pant, i breathe incredibly heavily and just sound soooo unfit when i do it. Whats more is when there’s quite a few people that start to go on the treadmills while you’re on there you get a bit competitive – well i don’t know if that’s the right word – but you don’t wanna look slack! Especially if they’re already on the treadmill and you’re joining them, you know you have to stay on a bit longer than you intended! You just have to!

So the next time i go in the gym and if i happen to forget my gym card, i may just politely tell them where to shove it as in my world… ITS NOT A BIG DEAL! I’ve got more things to consider like; i’ve got to pick my son up at half 5, reports have to be handed in ASAP for work and obviously the dilemma that we all face… “do i look alright?/Have i lost any weight?/ Is my bum bigger yet?/Have i got all my food for meal prep?!” haha. Nahh, all i’m saying, is that when i get patronised and told off for such a small thing it just adds to a day that you were either doing so well with and that puts a negative spin on it, or you’ve had an absolutely crap day and this just makes you want to scream and shout as its the insignificant meaningless thing thats now been made in to an “issue” for you.

Rant over.

“I’m curvy… AND I LIKE IT!”

I’ve come to realise that throughout this process of living a healthy lifestyle, trying to lose weight and just look and feel as best as i can… that i don’t love myself. I don’t think i’m sexy, i hate my rolls, i hate my bingo wings and i hate that every time i have sex theres the potential for the sound of my stomach fat to make slapping noises! Sorry but it had to be said. It’s a common obstacle that we “fattys” have to go through. It can happen with when we work out; running, cycling (but the sit back ones mostly), jumping etc so with sex it is even more likely to occur with the amount of cardio you have to do there! And if I’m honest i absolutely hate it, its embarrassing! I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and still i have to wear a t-shirt if i’m going on top… but not just any t-shirt, something that can muffle the sounds of my stomach and cover me up but still make me look semi decent… i mean it is sex, you want to look at least a little bit sexy! But in spite of all of that i need to learn to love my body. At the moment i don’t and i’m sure many of you out there have the same feelings as i do… but i hope in time that i will learn to love it. I’m starting to appreciate that through being a big girl, i’ve always had big boobs, which of course is a bonus! However you can’t help but find something stupidly wrong with them can you! For instance, yes i have big boobs and of course the attention they get is obviously the kind of attention i like, BUT after having a child and being fat to losing weight they are not pretty and perky and firm! They hang a bit lower than one might want them to and they’re really good to squeeze if you’ve had a stressful day and therefore in a bra they look amazing BUT not so much without a bra if you know what i mean!

All of these insecurities that i have, you have, that everyone has about themselves, is something that needs to be loved. Yes i hate being fat and i wish my boobs could be a bit perkier (and less saggy) but we have to look at how we got to that point, my boobs are the way they are because i was big and got small and because being pregnant changed my body… now i’m starting to learn to love the journey my body’s been on and how proud i am of that. I don’t LOVE my body yet by any means, i have insecurities, many things i wish i could change, but if theres one thing that makes my body unique from anyone else’s, its the journey that its been on. It shows pregnancy, courage, change, hard work, determination and most importantly it shows my life. My outer shell represents me and my stretch marks represent the journey i’ve been on with my pregnancy and losing weight and what they both bring and mean to my life.

I may not love my body yet (and promise i am working on that!) but i love the journey that my life has been on and is currently on! Now i have a task for you… stand naked in the mirror (thats the first step and YES it is hard and if you manage to do it well done, it takes balls!), look at every single part of your body 2 minutes (time yourself – turn around to get a look from every angle), now feel yourself, touch every single part of your body and get to know it, look at every scar, stretch mark etc and feel it, now with a pen (of your choosing) circle the bits you don’t like, the scars the stretch marks, whatever they are circle them, now imagine how you would look if they weren’t there. I bet you’re thinking that you’d look pretty damn good and “if that just wasn’t there it would be fine”. Now ask yourself… why are they there? How did they get to be there? Would you trade any of those experiences to get rid of the bits you hate? I absolutely loathe my stretch marks, but i would never get rid of the experience of being pregnant and having my son just to get rid of my stretch marks. They show what i’ve been through. Even if i wasn’t pregnant and got my stretch marks through just being fat, i still wouldn’t get rid of that experience because it wouldn’t have put me on the journey i’m on today and i wouldn’t have met the people i have through going on this journey.

My body is my trophy, my story and i will learn to love it.